thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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