I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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