Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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