Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
