So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
did you just send me my own nude
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
