What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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