Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My ATM looks so different sober.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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