I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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