so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
