all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
