Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
