He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
