I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
