just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
