I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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