also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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