Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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