people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
