at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
