I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
