your room smells of hookers.
And success
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
