I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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