She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
