I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
