I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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