But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You can't special order awesome
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
