I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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