also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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