Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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