Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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