Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
