It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
