I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
