I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I've blown a few things in my day
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
