what day is it and did you see me today?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
