I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
