Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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