Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This is my gift to your gina
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
