I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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