Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Blood and glitter go together right?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
