I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
as a side note pls kill me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
