So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
