Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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