ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
