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• (602): View more from Arizona

  69 |D_O

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  wtf does that mean??

  (602): View more from Arizona

  it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  god i miss watching you do this...

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".

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• (+49): View more from Germany

  Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.

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