and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
