So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
