I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
