i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
