Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
