So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
