cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just google imaged poop.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
