OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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