4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
