all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
