You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
