She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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