I wish my penis had an off switch
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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