corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
