you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
